As I Watched You Kiss Him Softly, the Same Way You Kissed Me.

i just want to talk about him until it doesn't hurt so bad. i just want to sit here and cry and have you listen to it and not judge me. i want to be able to tell you how much i really love him and how often he runs through my mind. i want to have you hug me and tell me that it's okay to love someone that much. that it's okay to let your heart swell up so big that it aches and it's hard to breathe. i want you to tell me that i have nothing to be ashamed of and that sometimes these things run away from us.
sometimes we love too much for no reason at all. we create reasons, reasons that may even make all kinds of sense. but when push comes to shove, they are only excuses. they are things we've imagined in order to let our way too high, much too strong walls shatter.
i let too many other words get the better of my senses. i allowed people to look in on something i held precious and blow it out of proportion. in the long run, all that does is hurt me. no one else.
he is who i think about as my head touches the pillow. his is the face i see when that song comes on the radio. i jump when my phone rings and hope to see his name. and there's this stupid grin that stretches across my face when it is. it's wrong, but it feels so right.

so here i am  left wondering why nothing has come out of the something that i found to be beautiful. and the only answer i'm left with is because it is me.