the number one reason why i don't have girl friends:
i don't understand them.
i don't understand why a girl can break up with a boy and date another boy and still hold claims to every ex she's ever had. to make matters worse, i don't understand the girls that stake claims on anyone they've ever had sex with. because let's be fair, if they're doing that, they've probably been with a lot of them. i don't understand hurt feelings and betrayal and everything else that goes with "no, he was mine!"
i am not the possessive type. and i'd like to say that it's because i'm just the most wonderful person in existence but if we're being honest, i just don't care. part of me knows that if they weren't happy with me, they shouldn't stay and although my every wish is for them to be mine, they aren't. and maybe, just maybe, i wasn't right for them, but someone else just might be.
my exes have dated friends, best friends, close friends, girls i considered sisters. and you know the one main thing i've learned from that? that someone besides myself was better for them. because that someone really could make that silly boy, that always seemed to be in pain, smile. but why would anyone else be realistic and think that way?
people dont belong to people and that's something i stand firmly behind. i don't like possessive human beings, no matter the context.
i don't want to challenge you because everyone is entitled to their own feelings, beliefs and opinions but to say that you don't have many girl friends because you don't understand girls is a sad to me and a horrible excuse many girls lay claim to. people are people. if you get down to it we all (guys and girls) have the same basic needs and at some point in all of our lives we experience the same/similar desires (some more fleeting than others of course.)
ReplyDeletecould it be that it's not that you don't understand your own gender but instead that you don't understand yourself? yes, some girls are selfish and some irrational but both genders are equally guilty of the ugly.
it's been my experience that girls who say "i don't like girls because... they're too catty, they're so emotional, they're superficial, they cry, etc" whatever the reason it usually comes down to jealousy and/or a discomfort in their own skin or even just a past filled with really awful friends. i can say this because i'm in my 30's now and i was one of those "i don't have girl friends." kind of girls.
now my best best friends (aside from my husband) are girls. they're the sisters i never had and i'm so so thankful i got over avoiding true friendships with females.
as far as the "possessive" thing-
you can't honestly believe that no guy takes issue with seeing someone he was once involved with become involved with one of his friends or brothers? i happen to know many guys who live by the code "when you were his girlfriend we loved you. when you became his ex we stopped knowing you." and harsh as that may sound, i think it's better than a free for all, "Who gets her next boys!?"
sometimes it is just about being possessive but when there are true feelings of love and trust i think it comes down to loyalty. if your friends are the kind of people who would take no issue with dating someone or just sleeping with someone that they knew you cared a great deal for at some point in your life, are they really your friends? - maybe it's an age thing. or maybe it's an expectation thing. see, we're all human and we can't always control what can hurt us but we can control the type of people we let in & kick out the ones who aren't concerned with perpetuating the hurt.
when my "best friend" slept with my ex boyfriend, the first person i ever fell in love with and the boy i lost my virginity to, she stopped being my best friend. was he single then? yep. did it hurt me any less? nope. did i own that guy? nope. but i loved him and my best friend claimed to love me so... did they end up happily ever after? of course not. it was probably an hour of awkward fun for both of them - worth ruining a friendship over? you'd have to ask her.
i definitely see the point in your post but if you were crazy in love with someone or considered someone your sister - i think you may feel differently.
i don't know you obviously and i enjoy your writing - like i said, i'm not trying to challenge you but maybe just shed some light on the subject or offer a different way to look at things?
hope you don't chalk it up to just another girl you can't possibly understand.
it's all with good intent mama
<3
LittleBirdBlogs
i see where you're coming from, honestly i do. but this has nothing to do with love. if it had to do with a friend being in love with a boy that i "fooled around with" then the joke would be on me. i would clearly be the one in the wrong. but i will say that it most certainly is an age thing, the problem being that the girls my age are just that: still girls. They have no responsibility, no future goals, no strive. They just wish to party, drink and meet... *gasp* boys! they are the girls who go to bars and say "i want that one, and that one, and that one..." or "you can't talk to him, i saw him first." it's childish and i have been over it for some time. it's just a difficult age to be friends with an older crowd, because they're all married and raising babies.
Deletei'm not heartless and i'm not uncomfortable in my body or with myself. i love myself very much, and that's why i don't understand these other girls. i don't gather why a girl would sell herself short to some guy who doesn't even have the decency of being honest with her. of being honest with anyone for that matter. and then has the audacity to point a finger at me and claim that i'm the one at fault. but i digress, i know this wasn't meant to challenge or argue and i appreciate your advice.
ahhh i see! it makes sense now :) unfortunately it's takes awhile for most girls to grow out of the party/drink/boys! stuff. but you get that - i know it's frustrating :/
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's our society. That is the way we are raised. The dominant men are in control, and we are taught as little girls to gossip and be petty with one another.
ReplyDeleteThere's a trick to it.