this is exhausting. this rouse. how long do i plan to play this game? pretending that he cares for me in any sort of way? i fall back in line every time.. he doesn't love me, i know that. and deep down i don't think i love him much either.. but i crave it. i crave that downward glance, the sideway smiles and the fingertips that linger just a beat too long in the tangles of my hair. and i'll kiss you with some passion that lies dormant in my belly, but is it really meant for you? or are you just a casual replacement?
i tried patience, honest, and you know what happened? i got hurt. i was teased and tormented with all the faint whispers of love only to have lust thrown in my face. it's maddening, unfair really. it's a pull, like a chain clamped tight to your gut dragging you into another being. it's painful, messy, chaotic. it's nothing like the faint chime of bells and the soft flow of water that i had imagined and maybe that's the problem...
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