Here I am Waiting, I'll have to Leave Soon. Why am I Holding on?

i deleted your number today.
and that may sound childish. it may sound absolutely absurd, but i felt accomplished.
i realize that this doesn't mean you'll simply disappear. it doesn't mean that i'm rid of your memory and that you'll never haunt my sleep. i might still remember you for another 7 years, or 10, or for the rest of my life. but there's this slim chance that i'll break your hold on me.
when i said i was done, i wanted to mean it more than anything else i've ever said before. i wanted it to echo darkly in your soul. i wanted you to feel hollow and abandoned the second the words left my lips. but i'm realistic, i know that didn't happen. i'm sure you didn't even feel it.
but it wasn't for you. none of this was done for you. it wasn't meant to destroy you, it was done for my benefit.
This Was Meant For Me.
i think you broke a part of me. and for so long i was trying to tape it back together. yearning to cover up my shame. because i was so sure that being broken by someone was something to be ashamed of.
i was wrong.