Oh Simple Thing, Where Have You Gone?

i've lost my passion... i used to paint and sketch constantly. not for assignments, but because my imagination would run away with me. i've lost whatever it was that drove me to do that. and it's been so long that i'm not sure how or if i could ever get it back. i think that's what makes it so hard, that at one point i had such a drive; such a wild desire. it breaks my heart to know that i was once so full of... something like life and now: nothing.

There's Nothing Left for Us Here.

it's hard to explain or maybe it's me making this hard to explain..
i had a really close friend in high school, but he was one of those "in school friends". when we went away to college he got a girlfriend, go figure. and she just so happened to hate me, because she was afraid he'd leave her for me... again, new concept, right? well they recently broke up so he's back in my face. and it's not that i don't like him as a person, i do. it's that i've adjusted. i know life without him and i get by just fine. so letting him back in is hard.. although he doesn't seem to think it should be. i don't like his constant texts and phone calls or how he likes seeing me. i don't like that he has all these old nicknames for me or that he likes to put his arm around me. i don't like that he's overprotective and acts like it's his right to be. i don't like how our "inside jokes" are resurfacing like all this time hasn't passed.

it has, and there's no going back. 
i don't want to go back.

All the Details in the Fabric, all the Things that make You Panic.

i spent my time last night sketching into the wee hours of the morning. as i went, i started thinking about the people i know. about how the people who accidentally stumble across this blog probably know me better than i'll ever allow any of them to. that's sad. it's untrusting, i know that. and it's not that i don't know them, it's the simple fact that putting your life in someone's hands is messy. trusting someone with yourself doesn't usually work out, so why do it? why not be the way i am? the person who is told, not who tells. someone just needs to fight down my walls, but no one bothers to take the time these days.

Kony 2012-- watch, listen, love.

My voice may be small, but it does not have to be silent.

I may seem weak, but together we are strong.

KONY 2012

Slow Down, the World isn't Watching Us Break Down.

you're all i want. you're all i need. i can't imagine there ever being anyone else but you. i can tell you all my secrets because you are my world. but did you see that girl over there? she's a bitch and she treats me like crap, but that's what makes me want her. you're right, but she's what i'm going to chase because you'll be here when i'm finished. you always are. it bothers you? well go ahead... tell me that you'll leave.


...that's what i thought.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Stand a little taller. Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone.

i'm so tired. i'm so tired of hearing the same things over and over from different people. i'm a pretty girl. i don't mean it in a conceited "i like to stare at myself" kind of way. i just mean that i see the way people stare, i watch the boys fight to buy me drinks. i know what i am. but pretty girls like me have stereotypes just like any other person in the world. no, i don't want you to tell me i'm fxckin' hot. no, i don't want to hear what you'd like to do to me or how you want to bring me home. actually, quite frankly, i don't want to be brought anywhere. and i don't want to hear anything along the lines of what i "owe" you. i owe you nothing. i am just as entitled as anyone else to change my mind about another human being. see, people are tricky like that. they act like one person when you meet them and then as time goes on, they morph into something you wouldn't expect. so i'm changing my mind. it doesn't make me a tease or a prude or psycho. it makes me human. you are not what i thought, making you not what i want. and i won't be guilted into something for another second of my life.