The Softest of Sounds for the Heaviest Things and the Pain that it Brings.

he had such sad eyes; your sad eyes. and i thought back to the day i realized i broke your heart. did you ever recover? sometimes, i think that i haven't.
has anyone ever explained what it's like to be on the other side? has anyone considered this side of the story? the distress in your throat, the strain in your voice, as you utter words that you clearly don't want to? it feels like someone stepping on your windpipe and you gasp and sputter, prying at this great nothingness that's entrapping you. i wanted this just as much as you did, possibly more. i wanted you more than anything i'd ever encountered and for once it didn't scare me. it didn't chase me away, it made me content. it made me happy. even now that word sounds strange on my tongue.
i can place the day that i knew i'd lost you for good, i was at the movies and you called drunkenly slurring that you hated your job and i wasn't there for you. that you hated how i wasn't there and that i wasn't trying hard enough because i didn't love you. i tried to talk you down. tried to tell you that i was trying as best as i could between 4 jobs and a 3 1/2 hour commute to you. you told me it didn't matter, i could do better. that's when it hit me: i would never be enough.
so what you saw as breaking your heart, wasn't really that one-sided and cruel. you see, there had already been irreparable damage on my end.