Something 'Bout an Angel just Kills Me. I Keep Hoping Something Will.

i don't know what it is. i have a certain air about myself, i suppose. i demand something that most people don't see or understand. i've been trying to put myself back out there, get him off my mind. (it's not working, all i end up doing is realizing that everyone is nowhere near as extraordinary. but that's not the point.) it always ends up the same, which until a friend told me otherwise, i thought was normal. these guys dote over me. they pry, to know every last inch of my life, down to the most recent breath. but that doesn't matter, i won't make that mistake again. i will forever be a mystery because i don't want to love anyone that way again. the hurt doesn't seem worth it. one day i know that will change.

I'm Giving Up on You.

there's an important difference between relying on people and depending on them; it'd be wise to understand it. one could always find people to rely on. people who made you stronger in their presence. people who made you work towards a better you. your roots would be planted firmly in the ground, intermingled. they would be of good moral stature, sturdy build, wise tongue. you would be able to feel your wings outstretching toward the heavens.

those you depend on though, they never make for a solid foundation. you learn to grow around them rather than together, often times you just don't see it until it's much too late. they make you weak and doubtful. you learn to use their opinion as your own. suddenly, you see your face in the mirror and realize it is not your own any longer. your eyes weary, face sunken, soul fleeting. when did this happen? you question. when did i become so empty?