If Our Love is Tragedy, why are You My Remedy?

you have crossed my mind enough today. you have stomped and smashed across my memory. burrowed and dug deep inside my head. don't you understand i'm trying to get over this? pretend you never happened? i want to end it quick before there's nothing left of you to salvage. i love you and i know from experience, that will never go away. but i could love you differently. i could let it turn into something that you would reciprocate; something that wouldn't break my heart over and over again. but i need time.
i could have a dormant love, one that was pushed into my core instead of up against my vulnerable skin. my center is thick, impenetrable, safe from the harm of the chance that you may find someone else to fall for and smile at and send those looks to. i just want you to be happy with someone, something, anything. but i can't keep doing it at my own expense.
so this is me telling you to make your choice: either say the words or let me mend myself.
you can't keep this up, giving me whatever this is. allowing me to rip myself in two.

consider this my vow of silence. 

I'm Dead in the Water.

i wanted what this was.
the calming feeling of being in someone's arms. curling up beneath them and not coming up for air because it was safe there. i didn't want it to mean things or lead to something else. i just wanted it to be. to be honest and all knowing and expected. what is it now?

it's been dragged through the dust and grime.
it's not safe here anymore.

We came from Outside and Our Boots were Dirty but We Hurried to get in from the Cold. Can We Rest Our Eyes?

had it not been great love, i would be jealous of this other girl. had i not known great love, i would kick and scream and find new ways to make him mine. had i just wanted him and not his happiness, i would hate him for this.

instead, my heart just aches. but i am so glad that his smile has not gone to waste.
please love him.

Or do You not Think so Far Ahead?

I need a man that will run through life with me.

Not as though it is a chore, 

but rather as if it were a dance.

As I Watched You Kiss Him Softly, the Same Way You Kissed Me.

i just want to talk about him until it doesn't hurt so bad. i just want to sit here and cry and have you listen to it and not judge me. i want to be able to tell you how much i really love him and how often he runs through my mind. i want to have you hug me and tell me that it's okay to love someone that much. that it's okay to let your heart swell up so big that it aches and it's hard to breathe. i want you to tell me that i have nothing to be ashamed of and that sometimes these things run away from us.
sometimes we love too much for no reason at all. we create reasons, reasons that may even make all kinds of sense. but when push comes to shove, they are only excuses. they are things we've imagined in order to let our way too high, much too strong walls shatter.
i let too many other words get the better of my senses. i allowed people to look in on something i held precious and blow it out of proportion. in the long run, all that does is hurt me. no one else.
he is who i think about as my head touches the pillow. his is the face i see when that song comes on the radio. i jump when my phone rings and hope to see his name. and there's this stupid grin that stretches across my face when it is. it's wrong, but it feels so right.

so here i am  left wondering why nothing has come out of the something that i found to be beautiful. and the only answer i'm left with is because it is me.

I Only See You in My Rearview Mirror Now.

so this website (down there) is just a little something i saw while i was traipsing about the internet as usual. the writer is trying to create a support system for those that have/are bullied. i think it's something important and have reached out to help her. i know that i have a few regulars that check in from time to time, so if you have a story, share it. this is something that is very close to my heart. hopefully it's close to all of your's too.

here's the website, check it out:
http://whatsyourstory22.wordpress.com/

I Would Never Try to make You be Anything You didn't really wanna be.

today i have lived on this earth 6 years without you.
that's 2190 days with far more moments created throughout them.
which is about 52560 hours, to the hour.
3,153,600 minutes have passed
and there have been 63,072,000 missed opportunities for your body to exhale.
189,216,000 seconds flew by without you on this planet.

but not a single one was wasted.
and not a single one passed without you in my heart.

i love you, i miss you
i pray you've been resting peacefully.