We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve.

i don't know what it is honestly, but that book always spoke to me. it screamed for my attention from the moment i stumbled across its path. i don't really remember how, or why for that matter. but it was powerful, that feeling i surely remember. it was an anchor, lodged deep within my heart and i accepted it graciously.
when i first read through the pages, i thought wow, how strange, how incredibly familiar his voice seems. how do i know him? how can it feel like i've heard him speak time and time again?
the second time, i marked the pages, dark and deep, knowing that the voice i heard was no longer his, but mine. i knew him so well because i was him. he was me. and we understood each other, even if he was fictitious.
i grew on to live the way i had imagined he would have liked. i drew and wrote letters. i said nothing while saying everything. and most of all, i kept quiet...


for i had always been a wallflower
with every fiber of my being.

Lo Olvide

i was in love with a boy once.
i remember this unbearable urge to fight it. to forget him.
it was near impossible.

okay, perhaps that last part was a lie, because obviously after all this time, i haven't forgotten.
but he was suave and cool and had a way of making me smile.
i would blush thinking of him and stumble over his name.

all i wanted was to be free for so long, but if he had caught me..
if he had tried to cage me i would have never fought.
i would have sang from that cage until he trusted me enough to let me fly.
and i would soar,

but always return..

back into the arms that i certainly belonged to.

I Don't Wanna be Your Hero.

as i left your house, i leaned in and kissed you softly on the lips. you didn't look up from the television screen. i said goodbye as i walked out the door, you responded with "see ya" like it was a casual thing. i knew i'd never come back. i wasn't saying "i'll miss you," i was closing the door on you and letting it lock behind me.

all i need is that one last kiss.

Sleepless, I Shouldn't be Here.

i'm not your's anymore.

i've known that for some time, but i think my loneliness stepped in the way of my inner voice.
she was shouting that "he's not good for you anymore" but my loneliness just whined "oh but he's my past, can't he be my present; my future?"

i waited 7 years for you to tell me that i am beautiful, 7 years. that's far too long. but when you whispered it, like a secret you didn't want the rest of the world to know, i believed you. then you said you loved me, and i melted. but when the heat wore off.. i was left with you.


and you are not the beautiful soul that i created in my heart..