I will Love You in My Own Way. I will Love You Better.

the best relationship i'd ever forced myself to have was with a boy i'd known for years, but never really knew. i couldn't tell you how it worked for as long as it did, but it was as close to perfect as i've ever gotten. the flaw was that we loved, we just weren't in love. in the end, he grew tired and i grew bored. we grew apart, that was really it. it wasn't messy or painful, one day it was just over and we both knew it. we both accepted it.
but i digress, the point of this was to help you understand..
the relationship itself was nothing special. it wasn't like we confided in one another or shared our lives, we just shared this spark. this incredible, unexplainable flame. the reason for its perfection was found in the way he looked at me. the way that his eyes would take all of me in and willingly hold onto it. it made me more passionate; wilder. i could actually see myself for the beautiful person i was.
that is why the relationship was perfect because i walked away from it pieced together. i walked away, head held high and confident. as did he.

i just needed the sun to help me bloom.

The Drops of Rain They Fall all Over. This Awkward Silence make Me Crazy.

i was walking out of the gym when i saw him. his hair fell in those same dark wisps but his face was covered by huge sunglasses. we glanced at each other right before he jogged off to his car. deep down, i know it wasn't him. deep down, i know this was some similar-looking stranger who just dug up my past. but regardless, i felt that same old lump in my chest and found my eyes damp underneath my sunglasses. i felt 2 years younger and just as useless as i was back then. i'm sorry that sometimes i miss you, but i miss you all the same.

But Please, Don't Cry, You Liar.

i really did try to explain it last night. i let the words overflow from my mouth like a flood. if she is your happiness then take her, please i beg of you. but if you're doing this because she's there. if you're doing this because she is easy or disposable or perhaps just "what you want now". stop. don't ruin this. you're wonderful and you're flourishing for once in your suffocating life. and she will destroy you with all that she is. merely because she can. because she knows that she can own you and twist you however she pleases like some sort of rag doll. if you think that even for a second you aren't really in love with her, then run. i'm not asking you to run into my arms, just away from her. you're old enough to do this on your own, but like i told you last night: you and i won't make it this time around. she won't allow that, not even long enough for you to say goodbye. and if she steals your gaze, you'll choose her just like you did with the others before. but i won't be there to help you pick up the pieces.