And at Once I Knew I was not Magnificent.

things are not like fairytales. real life doesn't start with "once upon a time..." and end with "...and they lived happily ever after." it doesn't play out like the movies and get tied up in a nice little bow right before the credits roll. yet that's what people crave. that's what people strive for. this unrealistic facade that perhaps my life could end up that way, even if no one else's has. does anyone else find it exhausting? to work so hard for something always well out of reach? no, maybe it's just me. maybe i'm just striving for perfection because that's my personality. it just never ends, the story line may change here and there; replacing main characters and love interests, losing beloved cast members, but overall it doesn't change.

i don't change.

even though we'll never know what's up ahead, i'm never letting go.

so i'm a "big kid" now; all graduated and off into the world. how did that happen? what exactly led to this? i didn't rush it like most would. i really enjoyed my time, my professors, even some of my peers. and i can honestly say i'll miss a lot of it. no, i didn't get all misty eyed and sentimental. that's not my style, i'll see everyone again. i know that. but it was... important to me. these memories are ones i will cherish.

Suddenly I Have this Feeling, Tasting Copper in My Mouth.

it's funny, it was kind of like a dream. i walked off the runway and out the backstage door and there he was just sitting there waiting. he looked up and smiled at me and i felt my face flush. "sorry i missed you, i had class. but i came as soon as it was over." my awful day at work, my stressful final, my crazy eventful day leading up to the fashion show... it all melted away because he was next to me. he's become a drug in the worst way; once he's gone i ache. and it's not because i'm one of those terrible romantics (although i am) it's because i know he can't be mine, even if he should be.
i saw the way he stared, even after i changed back into my jeans and t-shirt, he felt something. but it's still something he'll never admit. possibly even something he'll never be able to admit.

so this is how it feels to be the other woman... i can't say i'm fond of the feeling.