the truth was, i never really learned how to go about living without you. i didn't teach myself, the way i did with all the others, to let you go. i honestly don't think i even bothered trying. i didn't want to. i wanted to believe that you would come back in grand strides and sweep me up into your arms and that would be the end of it. no more sad songs, no more bad dreams.
i still see things that remind me of the stories you told and rush to find you. i still want to bury myself behind you when i cry or i'm afraid. i still want all the things you promised me, with you and only you.
so now i'm just haunted.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
I'm Glad that You can Forgive, Only Hoping as Time Goes, You can Forget.
the number one reason why i don't have girl friends:
i don't understand them.
i don't understand why a girl can break up with a boy and date another boy and still hold claims to every ex she's ever had. to make matters worse, i don't understand the girls that stake claims on anyone they've ever had sex with. because let's be fair, if they're doing that, they've probably been with a lot of them. i don't understand hurt feelings and betrayal and everything else that goes with "no, he was mine!"
i am not the possessive type. and i'd like to say that it's because i'm just the most wonderful person in existence but if we're being honest, i just don't care. part of me knows that if they weren't happy with me, they shouldn't stay and although my every wish is for them to be mine, they aren't. and maybe, just maybe, i wasn't right for them, but someone else just might be.
my exes have dated friends, best friends, close friends, girls i considered sisters. and you know the one main thing i've learned from that? that someone besides myself was better for them. because that someone really could make that silly boy, that always seemed to be in pain, smile. but why would anyone else be realistic and think that way?
people dont belong to people and that's something i stand firmly behind. i don't like possessive human beings, no matter the context.
i don't understand them.
i don't understand why a girl can break up with a boy and date another boy and still hold claims to every ex she's ever had. to make matters worse, i don't understand the girls that stake claims on anyone they've ever had sex with. because let's be fair, if they're doing that, they've probably been with a lot of them. i don't understand hurt feelings and betrayal and everything else that goes with "no, he was mine!"
i am not the possessive type. and i'd like to say that it's because i'm just the most wonderful person in existence but if we're being honest, i just don't care. part of me knows that if they weren't happy with me, they shouldn't stay and although my every wish is for them to be mine, they aren't. and maybe, just maybe, i wasn't right for them, but someone else just might be.
my exes have dated friends, best friends, close friends, girls i considered sisters. and you know the one main thing i've learned from that? that someone besides myself was better for them. because that someone really could make that silly boy, that always seemed to be in pain, smile. but why would anyone else be realistic and think that way?
people dont belong to people and that's something i stand firmly behind. i don't like possessive human beings, no matter the context.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Setting Fire to Our Insides for Fun.
i wanted him for who he wasn't.
i wanted him because he didn't make my heart flutter, and his words were simply a dime a dozen.
i wanted him for his smile and his eyes and the way he brushed the hair from his face because, to me, it was all unremarkable.
i wanted something that wouldn't send shivers up and down my spine.
i wanted someone whose words made me smirk and then dissipated just as quickly.
i wanted someone i wouldn't want to hold onto, so that when he left, i left.
i wanted him because i knew he couldn't make me cry because no matter what he did,
i wanted him because he didn't make my heart flutter, and his words were simply a dime a dozen.
i wanted him for his smile and his eyes and the way he brushed the hair from his face because, to me, it was all unremarkable.
i wanted something that wouldn't send shivers up and down my spine.
i wanted someone whose words made me smirk and then dissipated just as quickly.
i wanted someone i wouldn't want to hold onto, so that when he left, i left.
i wanted him because i knew he couldn't make me cry because no matter what he did,
he wasn't you.
he would never have my heart and i knew that the second he said my name.
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