And You Want Her but She's so Mean. But You Never Let Her Go. Why don't You Let Her Go?

this is the routine. and by now i've learned to guard my heart for all it's worth and just go with it. i know you don't love me, but i know that more than anything you want to. i can see that you're trying. but why are you trying is the question... do you desperate want love or my love? or are you just so alone that you need someone, anyone? i like you, and the first time this happened you rushed into something and i dragged behind somewhere in the distance. when we stopped, it didn't hurt, it just... well it ended. so this time around i knew what would happen, because you so easily push yourself into love without being in love.
so that's what this will be, loveless love, all the feelings without the knots. 

Lie for a While with Your Ear Against the Earth and You'll Hear Your Sister Sleep Talking

i suppose this place would be better than any other.. after watching this most beautiful video i got to thinking... what's my secret? my one true, deep, dark secret that i keep buried?

i pray every night that i grow old. old and flabby and full of wrinkles. i want my hair to gray and my body to slow gracefully.

i listen to the women i help at work complain about their hair graying and their bodies changing, but more than anything it's what i want. i'm not saying i want to rush the here and now.. but to grow old.. to do something that so many people in my family have failed against all their will to do.
i think age is something beautiful and although i don't fear death, i won't greet it with open arms before my time.

I Eat Boys Up, Breakfast and Lunch.

i can't help it i don't think. i don't do it to be harmful or to be mean but i've used that four letter word before. not for gain or for spite, just...because. i just don't understand the feeling i guess. i can say the words, and i can love you like she seems to love him, but i just don't believe that's really love.

they fight, they fight in a way that i think shouldn't happen when you're in love. not that love is perfect, not that love changes everything. but just in the way that i don't believe you have to fly off the handle to make the other person understand when something's wrong. this feels like a bit of a rambling, and maybe it is. but i think that love has to be... not like them. it shouldn't be who's right and who's wrong and it shouldn't be up and down constantly. you can't hate him and then love him the next day, no, that feels wrong to me.

"and i kissed you like i loved you because i wanted what they have."
that's how it's going to be isn't it?